I like what you say about treating them like expensive wine, and I wholeheartedly agree about treating them with reverence. Back in the 80's, we treated even the freshest, purest 'cid like a six pack of beers. What a waste!

My mother worked hard to never be a hippocrit about it, and I think that deglamorized it for us kids. So many other kids just abused it because they'd been told not to do it.

- that's almost just like me.
i was totally anti-(ellicit)drug until college. but for 7th-10th grade i wound up in the ghetto in southern cali in the 80s running with gang-bangers, drinking and fighting, but also studying and martial arts. i can't imagine what went through my poor haite-ashbury parents' minds when they would hear 'Fuck Tha Police' by NWA playing in my room.

college in florida digressed into the hardcore life. i took LOTS of drugs, but was always able to stop for second when i needed to catch my breath. others weren't as functional.

i wound up with the shady-rave cats, forgot about all the PLUR stuff and sold out. the fact that being around drug use seems ordinary to me helped me to excel as a dealer.

by my senior year of college the engineering courseload i had didn't leave time for much of a social life, and it was getting old watching my friends go to jail or OD or have to go to rehab.

ironically, the only susbstance i fell victim to was booze, which i was not exposed to from my parents.

and now i've grown up and am turning into my parents. i read wendell berry and study up on permaculture & homesteading and am plotting my departure from society. ashes to ashes i suppose.

Don't be afraid to "babble," Tasha, I'd like to think this is one of the only places that tie-dye diaper babies can drill down into the details of their unique upbringing. Reading everyone's posts here has made me feel less like a freak and more like the product of a social experiment from one of the only interesting periods of American history ever.

I wish that were true, myself I started smoking pot and drinking cause I wanted to be a cool hippy like the adults I was surrounded by. I alsays had wished I were just about 3-5 years older cause I was a kid in the sixties surrounded by all the hippy stuff.

I later found my own nich when punk came about by that time I was on my way to full blown addiction and lived through many years of hell til I cleaned up. I think being around so many drugs made it easier to expeiment myself...

I was a baby when my father was caught growing, and can still remember visiting him at the local jail when I was only a couple of years old. My parents have always made it an effort to be open to discussion about drugs all of my life (they even had a children's book about drugs), and I have always been honest with them about my usage as well. When I was in fifth grade, my father told me that I might hear about pot from my friends in the next few years, and told me that he would rather have me try it first with him instead; I understood, and declined. I did not try it until 9th grade, and then finally smoked with my father when I found his pipe in 10th grade. I have not smoked with my mother as she quit when the legal troubles came up, but I have shown her my stash when she requested to know what the quality of cannabis is like these days. My older sister tried pot a couple of times in high school, but did not enjoy it until she tried it again in college. I have not smoked with my father since then, but me and my sister still enjoy getting stoned whenever we are together.

Today I am a regular smoker, a semi-regular toker, and an occassional drinker. The only other drug that I have tried is opium; I used it twice in high school. I enjoyed opium, and would probably try it again if given an appropiate opportunity, but I have not sought it out. I consider tobacco and alcohol to be the 'hardest' drugs that I have tried, and have vigorously stayed away from all other drugs.

Except for the tobacco, and when I use more than a moderate amount of pot, my parents are very happy about my attitude towards drugs.

It was hard as a kid to have friends over. Only certain parents would allow their kids in my house. It was odd because my parents were successful business owners, and yet... little did I know, most of the adults around them also knew they were into drinking/pot/and open sexual relations to some extent. It made for an interesting child hood, but I didn't know any differently, so it was fine!

It was more difficult only when other parents and teachers and my aunt tried to tell me what a poor and unfortunate child I was to be "parenting" my parents. They were in and out as parents, but again... always loved me to pieces... They were great people, and I often wonder if it's better to have great people for parents or crappy people with great parenting skills.

You know? I mean I know people who had great parents, but I wouldn't often want to go and hang out with their parents, because they don't have much of a life outside of their (past) role as a parent...

-S

Yes, weed is part of my culture. Smoking celebrates how grateful I feel for my upbringing. So much love was spread with the herb. Things got tricky and NOW so materialistic, but the WEED vibe spreads the LOVE.

Kristen, i seriously doubt you are less creative just because you have the ability to make decisions and excersise your willpower sucessfully :) sounds to me like you found a creative way to deal with the issue of experimenting with drug use...sounds like its working for you. to be able to make up your own mind as a young person, rather than just trying to please others or fit in, is pretty creative living in this culture!

as for me i had a similar experience of watching my parents checking out from their reality, feeling like they weren't really there for me, and swearing that when i grew up i would never do drugs. i hated being in that position of knowing that what they were doing was illegal and that cops could come and take them away, and i'd have to go live with me aunt and uncle, so i better not tell anyone. too much responsibility for a kid. my sister and i swore we'd never be like them. well, i kind of am now. my sister's not, she barely even drinks, and never does anything else at all. but i started smoking weed in jr high school and pretty much have done since then.

i have never really been addicted in the sense of not being able to deal with my reality, although there are times i do indulge too much in the herbals. but drugs have been a part of my life as long as i can remember. i've tried pretty much everything except heroin, don't like the speedy things at all, and can't really do psychedelics anymore. used to do them quite a bit, weekly or more, when i was younger, and just go out dancing or running around in the woods. now i kind of get tunnelled in and can't deal, so it's not fun. even if i just do a tiny teeny little bit, it's still too strong for me now.

the thing i notice when i stop smoking is that i miss being clandestine. the first time i flew on an airplane with nothing to hide it was almost a let down. somehow it got confused up with being revolutionary and counter culture, as a skinny white girl the only claim to non normalcy i had was to be doing something illegal and therefore super cool, something that good girls don't do, that boring, respectable, conservative folks would never do. it was my claim to alternativitiy...without it i suspected i was not really doing much out of the ordinary at all. just working, paying rent, and generally being a good citizen. which seemed wrong somehow :)

now that i have my own kid i find myself insulated from her by my stony brain. i hide in it. from the stress, from the feelings, from the responsibilities - only for a little while. but it seems like too long when you look at it like my kid is growing up so fast, and i'm missing some of it. i'm checked out for some of it. i'm not entirely present for her in those moments. and as she gets older it becomes more of an issue, more of something she will become aware of, and have to hide like i did - and i don't want that for her. and i really don't want her to find herself compelled to copy me later on, to become like i am in an effort to understand it, like you do, like i did with my mom and dad. i don't know, i hate to think i'm getting to that age, that i'm becoming one of those people who say oh, i just had to stop smoking because it just makes me tired now, but i think it's totally happening that way. i just don't enjoy it anymore really, and mostly later i just wish i could unsmoke it :) cuz it makes me tired. dang it.

for me i think even if my parents hadn't been potheads i probably would have gotten into it in high school. i just have that trying to fit in personality, and also i know once i tried it and felt how it separated me from the intensity of my emotions in the moment i would have liked how that felt, and wanted to do it more. so i don't know if it was me parents so much, more my temperment and makeup. my sister and i grew up in the same situation, but her personality is such that she does not like to feel out of control, ever. my personality is such that i enjoy that feeling, that oh boy i better go along with the ride cuz i'm on it now, here i go feeling...i like that. i'm a thrill seeker, a risk taker, an adrenaline junky. i feel alive when i've scared the shit out of myself, or pushed myself past what i think is safe. why is that? i don't know. maybe it has to do with growing up knowing things are a little out of control, the adults are not entirely on deck here, maybe so. or maybe it's just the way i am. hard to say!

i can say that having a dad who drank too much makes me not like being around people who drink alot. i can't have a conversation with someone who has been drinking, not a serious one. people who have had a drink or two look hillarious to me, so loud and arm flappy...it's fine if i'm drinking too, which mostly i'm not (cuz it just makes me sleepy, of course!) but if i'm not drinking then i find drunk people annoying and smelly.

and yes, i totally relate to the stoned/horny thing too

are you ok? are you getting the support, emotional and practical, you need? when I see a post like this, I like to check in with the person behind it.

is your partner (tothe extent this is possible.)

The November Coalition is a womderful nonprofit working in solidarity with prisoners of the War on (some Drugs. look them up on the Web...they may be able to help you and your partner out in some way...at elast to know you aren;t the Lone Ranger...


Judith

Oy I could tell you stories about my parents.....and myself.......If you ever trip acid........go through the paper towel section in the grocery store....WOW!