I think every person responds differently to their upbringing. I think some are not adversly affected and seem to blend well into the non communal world when the time comes, I think we ALL have some level of baggage no matter how we were raised. I came from a commune of 10 people, I was one of the 2 children that were raised in it and lived there for 10 years, from 5 yo to 15 yo. I can tell you that yes, there is a level of detachment that I have experienced in my adult life yet I feel confident that my ability to relate to many types of people and to be a bit of a chameleon in a crowd came from my communal living. The greatest challenge I faced was overcoming all the instability due to the exposure to drugs and inappropriate sexual conduct. I don't think the members of the commune fully comprehended how their actions were affecting the kids, in fact many of them did not realize how much we were aware of and were shocked when I shared many of my memories once I became an adult. If I had to do it all over again, if I actually had a choice in the matter, I would have prefered to not be raised in a commune. It has taken YEARS to get over the instability and develope a sense of security within myself...but whose to say that I would not have had the same challenges even if I was not from a commune?? AH, now that is when life gets interesting. All in all I do my best to look for the blessings, even within the instability....

I find this all incredibly interesting. I have a two year old and my husband is interested in moving to a communie. I joined this board so I can talk about it with people who have had this experience. This was an aspect I had never considered. It would seem that this detachement you are talking about is more from parents who are not attentive to their child and their needs and are more concerned with their own needs, not a result of the commune environment. But realisically I have no idea as I have never experienced this environment first hand.

I wasn't raised in a communal situation..it was my aunt who was one of the eldest making the Haight-Ashbury and subsequent hippie scenes. ;ve been countercultural most of my life, and I'm 50 now, raising a daughter who is almost 12 with what I think is a good admixture of the strongest of my countercultural and heriditary middle-class practices.

I;ve lived communally, though not much since I became a mother, and I think some clarity on just how much autonomy parents need to be parents is critical. someone who lived o the Tennessee Farm in the 70s commented in the late 80s that in gorup living, the child often has to conform to the standards of the strictest adult.

I think as a parent of a young child (or even an older one, though the bigger they are the better at asserting their needs and acting on it it becomes necessary to be vruy clear, with yourself and with your house- or landmates as to how much responsibnility yo7u are willing and able to share with other adults ina community. if you don;' want others, say, sending your chiuld away from the table when you would include the child in the meal, or being more lenient or more strict about any of those other household issues (eating certain types of foods, itnerrupting adult conversations, watching television, bedtimes, noise levels)iit's sanest for everyone involved to become clear on those limits right away. I;ve seen familes who were good friends before moving in toghether fall apart over TV and video gaqme policies, schooling decisions,. fast food/organic food.vegetarianism and everything between...

I found somewhat to my surtprise that I wanted way LESS input from other adults with my baby than I had once imagined. it may takre a village to raise a child, but people within the village have different roles to play and Mother and Father are probably critical. single adults disciplining their comunards' kids leads to all kinds of grief...

would love to go into this more sometime...let's continue the thread.

meaqntime, my kid likes the ways she's "different from mainstream kids"...has no need or desire for cell phones, watches little TV, doesn;t care a whit about fashion, likes homecooked vegetarian food, enjoys her extended comunity of activists, bohemian writers and artists, theatert sweebs, etc, and has what we call the COyote File of things not to discuss with "mainstream people" such as marijuana activism, ribald cpoyote tales (hence the name), etc.

Judith

Wow: "i've suffered from a bit of terminal uniqueness," "Groomed for a position that does not exist," product of a social experiment...

I'm one. I agree a little about the emotional distance. Or at times the reverse, falling hard and needing a lot.

In fact, I'm just starting a thesis on this very question at NYU, Tisch school of the arts. I might be contacting some of you in the near future to see if you'd be OK answering some questions, anonymously if you'd like, and maybe being interviewed. I'm thinking of making it sort of a "open source cultural anthropology" answering the question "what happend to the hippie kids" as we come up with the 40th anniversary of the summer of love...